“God is so good. God is so good. God is so good. He’s so good to me.”
Do you remember that Sunday School song? It’s simple tune and truth are resonating in my mind. I don’t always understand the why and the how He does things, but I know that He’s so good. Is my life hunky-dory all the time? No way! I’m a Christian in a fallen world. The enemy has absolutely NO desire to make things easy for any follower of Christ. But God is good. I don’t always get the things that I want. I don’t always get the things that I desire, but I get the things I need.
For instance, I learned tonight that a very dear friend of mine just suffered her 4th miscarriage. The disappointment, frustration, and all-out hurt were conveyed in a few short words in an email. I can’t tell her why this happened. I wish I could ease her pain. I wish I could take it all away and allow her to rejoice in the sweet event of pregnancy. But, I can’t. What I can do is pray for her. What I can do is intercede on her behalf that in some way, in whatever big or small event, she and her husband will be able to see God in this situation. I don’t pretend to understand or have all the answers. But I can pray the Lord will show them the answers. Their grief is very real and will be felt for a long time. My prayer is that they will be able to draw upon the Lord who loves them so much for their strength. He never leaves us nor forsakes us, but the enemy wants us to think that we’re all alone.
Haven’t we all felt that way at some point?
I know I have. In fact, it happened this past Wednesday night. We came home from church and I broke down. I told Joey that I didn’t hear from God anymore. ”I don’t hear him talking to me.” Sure. Why would He when I haven’t made time for him in weeks? I painfully admitted that to my husband. Through tears I saw the avenue the enemy was taking me down. He was getting my focus off the cross, off the empty tomb and allowing me to worship the false trinity of Me, Myself, and I. Ohhhhh–and it happens so easily. All it takes is a morning here and a day there. I start becoming more interested in what the world has for me (which is wood, hay, and stubble, right?!?!) than what God has for me. His WORD is the bread of life! And I like my carbs! :)
Here’s where God is even better than that. Even better than allowing me to see my sin and repent. (I mean, that’s good enough, right!) Here Joey and I are this weekend, at the Homeschool Convention that I have been anxiously awaiting and God speaks to me through his Word. He uses other speakers to shoot arrows straight into my heart. It’s all about having a relationship with him. He didn’t do it once or twice, but multiple times, in multiple ways, with multiple people– all independent of one other.
AND! Here’s the coolest part! Friday night at Women’s Fellowship at church He used a sister to give a testimony to confirm EVERYTHING He had spoken to me. She didn’t know what I had been struggling with, but God did. She didn’t know I had a spiritual meltdown on Wednesday night, but God did. And God knew I needed to be there tonight. Praise the Lord! He put that desire in my heart to be there tonight as well.
God is so good. He not only loved me enough that He sent His son to die for my sins, but He loves me enough that He won’t let go. He gently used His Holy Spirit to move me back into a relationship with Him today. He used my rock-bottom emotional burnout as a wake up call. And then He provided people to encourage me. How awesome is that?
Even more awesome than that? He didn’t just do it for me. He sent His Son for everyone EVER born.
I don’t know what you are going through today. There may be some serious questions you have for the Lord. I can’t and won’t pretend to know the answers, but I do know that calling out to Him helps me. Just talk to Him. It doesn’t have to be some fancy-schmancy scripted prayer (in fact it’s better if it isn’t.) Make your own words. Tell Him what you are feeling. He understands.
I’ve probably rambled enough. It’s after 11PM and I am stone tired. (Is that a real phrase? I mean stones are inanimate objects so they can’t really be tired?? I may have just made that phrase up.)
Good night and God Bless-Stephanie
Again, this is written by my aunt. Thank you Aunt Esther for your faithful updates! Greetings to all. We just wanted to give an update. Erin is working on establishing a website on Caringbridge.com, a free website for families in crisis. As soon as she gets everything ready, we will email you the link. Then you can get your updates from there. Jude has had some setbacks this week, but he is still taking small steps.He is in his 8th week in the PICU. We know most of the medical personnel on a first name basis and sometimes feel like we a permanent fixture. The longest a child has been in the PICU was 3 years. Believe me, we are NOT going for that record. Praises:1. Jude has been tolerating lower settings on the ventilator, which brings him closer to eventual weaning from the ventilator.2. More of his medicines have been moved to oral medications through the N/G tube in his stomach. They are trying to reduce the number of I.V. lines going into his body. Prayer requests:1. Healing of the lungs. He had to have one chest tube put back in due to a build-up of fluid around his lungs.2. Toleration of oral feedings. He has vomited some of his feedings. They tried to push the N/G tube passed his stomach into the small intestine, in hopes of bypassing the stomach and preventing vomiting. But this was not successful. So pray for him. They wanted to discontinue the IV feedings, but they can’t do this until he tolerates the fomula.3. He has MRSA infection in his blood. He is on 2 antibiotics now. They really want to reduce the number of IV lines and the number of times they have to invade the lines to give meds, feedings, and draw labs. So pray for the infection to clear and for protection from further infection.4. Pray for continued strength and wisdom for the family and for all who care for Jude. God bless you for praying. We are very thankful for God’s grace and mercy and for all of your prayers and support.
We are seeing some positive improvements. Your prayers are still coveted. Thanks everyone! Here’s the latest email from my aunt: Thanks again for your prayers, calls, and acts of kindness and concern.Jude is continuing to take small steps of improvement. Praise God; He is the healer!! Praises:1. Both chest tubes have now been removed and x-rays have shown no accumulation of fluid around the lungs. Today’s chest x-ray showed much improvement overall.2. He is now receiving the special formula at full strength at the rate of 10cc’s per hour via the nasogastric tube, and he has tolerated it well.3. They are inching down the settings on the ventilator slowly, and he has tolerated it well.4. Erin was able to hold Jude today, about 3 hours of bliss for her:). Prayer requests:1. Continued healing of the lungs and the pulmonary edema to clear so that he can be weaned off of the ventilator.2. Continued toleration of the formula as they work towards full formula feeding, discontinuing the TPN (IV feedings), and eventual removal of the nasogastric tube.3. Protection from infection.
http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
And I haven’t stopped crying. For their pain. For their praise. For their dedication to the Lord. My heart is especially tender toward parents these days and this blog hit home on so many levels. A parent should never have to lose a child. Ever. But these people whom I’ve only “known” for all of twenty minutes of my life, have already made an impact. I’ve only read a few entries. However, I am convinced that it is worthy to add to the site.
Their site has been added to our blogroll. Check it out, but have tissues handy.
In Christ,
Steph
Some folks have said that they have come here to see if I have posted updates. I have been terribly slack. Sooooo sorry!
Here is the latest email from my Aunt Esther. She’s great at being succinct and to the point where I ramble. (surprise?) lol.
Thank you for taking the time to read and to pray for him.
Steph
Hello to all,
Jude continues to make small steps toward healing, so thanks again for praying.
PRAISES:
1. His chest tubes are draining about 30 cc’s a day. The attending physician has clamped the chest tubes to see if the body will reabsorb the drainage.
2. Jude has lost a lot of the excess fluid, so he is starting to look like a normal size baby again.
3. The doctors have reduced some of his medications including the paralytic that keeps him from fighting the ventilator. He is showing slight muscle tone and even moved his tongue today. The ventilator settings have been reduced a small amount.
4. The antibiotics(and prayer, of course) are holding the MRSA colonization in his lungs at bay, so far no blood infection.
PRAYER REQUESTS:
1. Pray that his lungs will continue to heal, the right upper lobe is still collapsed.
2. Pray that when feedings are begun in his GI tract, his body wil l tolerate it well and that the fluid will not build up aroung his lungs as before. He will possibly start the feedings next week.
3. Pray for continued protection from infection.
4. Pray that he will be able to be weaned from the ventilator. The doctors are reducing the settings gradually on a daily basis.
5. The doctors are predicting another 3 or 4 weeks of hospitalization. Pray for an increase in the rate of healing, so that Erin, Troy, Leah, Josiah, and Jude can return to a normal life at home.
6. Pray for favor with the insurance company, as the bills are quickly adding up.
Thanks to all of you who are holding Jude and his family up in prayer.
Harold and Esther
Jude. Sweet baby Jude. Most of you who probably read this know what’s going on. He was stable today, the last I talked to his parents. The emotional toll that has overtaken them bears the weight of the world. They try to be so strong when people are around–at least around me they have been. I can only imagine the secret thoughts in their minds the last week. Erin and Troy, if you ever read this, know that we all think the world of you both. Your strength and resolve has been a beacon of hope to all of those inquiring about you. We love and pray for your entire family daily. When Paul talks about “praying without ceasing,” I am starting to understand what he meant.
Two weeks ago today this sweet baby entered the world beautiful and full of life. His proud parents were quick to welcome him into their family and his siblings were quick to love on him. While none of that has changed, I imagine their outlook has. At 8 days old, taken to the ER, their lives have been turned upside down, on more than one occasion.
Please continue to pray for his health and his recovery. Please pray for wisdom for Erin and Troy, for the nurses, doctors, and specialists that are on his case at the hospital. Pray for strength, peace and comfort for his parents, his grandparents, and siblings. And pray however else the Spirit leads you.
Here are some pics I took of him on day 8–when Erin’s biggest concern was going out to get groceries.
I’ll go ahead and say it right up front. I am obsessed with Jane Austen. PBS has been running The Complete Jane Austen since February, I believe, and it has renewed a spark (no pun intended, Spark People) for my love of literature, character and plot developments, and writing in general.
I love her stories, her wit, her emotion. Granted, most of her published works have very similar themes and threads woven throughout them. I guess this is why I just adore the fictional heroines who have loved and lost.
This brings me back to my question. Is chilvary dead? Is the romantic notion of courting gone all by the wayside? Has a lock of an intended’s hair become something to throw away? Perhaps I was caught up in the Perfect Assembly of the movies, but it made me nostalgic for a time that I am far removed.
I am very grateful that I live in a time and country where women can pursue any occupation or interest that arises. However, I think it’s a most foreign idea to many men these days to even act in the ways of Mr. Knightley, Colonel Brandon, and even Mr. Darcy.
But, I suppose, it is a different time and era. As much as I would enjoy the polite, romantic notions of walking through English gardens and being invited to balls and teas, the absolute double standard of the day would drive me insane.
But on the other hand, it would be nice to have an air of mystery and innocence to a relationship that is otherwise only alluded to these days. A courtship of letters and dreams seems far removed from anything I’ve ever encountered.
So, I ask, is chilvary dead? Has it passed along with the notions of yesteryear? For my daughter’s sake…I hope not.
Well, I can make all kinds of excuses for not keeping this up to date in the last month or so, but really, what good would it do? lol. So, let’s see. What’s going on the Beninghove household?
Joey: He got a new job! Wooo-hooooo! Now he works from home. No, it doesn’t mean that he sits on the couch all day in his jammies. (I know what you were thinking!) He works in the office and holds regular “office hours.” Maddie knows when the office door is closed, she is not to go in there. I, however, am a slow learner. ;) But, I think he really likes it. I am so thankful to the Lord for this change, because even if I am not talking to Joey 8+ hours a day (like he would talk that much ANYWAY) it’s nice to know that he’s here.
Maddie: She has started soccer practice! We got all the uniforms, shin guards, soccer balls, etc., that we are going to need. The packet of stuff that Upwards gave me on the first practice included (sit down…are you ready?!?!) a car magnet! Wooooo-hoooo! It’s already on the van proudy proclaiming my soccer-mom status. lol. I’m a dork, I know, but I really did get excited.
Matthew: The Bean is crawling-finally!- and cruising all around. Now that he is mobile, he is so much happier, with the exception of the constant ear infections. (Tubes, anyone?) So, maybe once he’s walking around well, we’ll try to sign up for a class for him at Romp-N-Roll or something.
Me: uh…not much, really. I am trying to get on a solid schedule of Bible reading or listening to teachings on podcasts and going to gym. I have been convicted of trying to better my physical body while neglecting my spiritual body. When it comes down to it, this pile of flesh won’t serve me much purpose. So, I need to be concentrating my efforts on the former rather than the latter. I think it honors the Lord when we take care of our body, (it is the temple of the Lord, afterall) but I shouldn’t be putting that before being fed from the Word.
I am uploading some pics to Flickr as I type this, so I’ll probably get them up here tomorrow. Right now, I just want to go to bed. It’s after midnight and I am soooooo not a night owl.
In Christ,
Stephanie
Matthew Joel Beninghove graced us with his presence.
How do you sum up utter and complete love in a few sentences? How do you do justice to the insane amount of emotions that come with being a parent? For the truly gifted, they write. They write books, poems, sonnets, stanzas, Hallmark cards. For mothers, we write blog posts.
I love you, my sweet boy. You’ve taught me so much about unconditional love–for the second time. You’ve taught me that when you have another child, you don’t lose love for the first one. You don’t only have half a heart for the second. It’s exponential. I never knew how much I could experience for the second time. Thank you.
When Joey and I found out we were going to have a son, I asked the Ultrasound Technician to check again. I just knew she was wrong bc I had too much pink and purple. I could parent another girl. I had done that for 2.5 years. I had all the clothes and shoes! And I was scared. I knew about dress-up, princesses, and tea parties. I could paint her nails and sing silly songs at the top of my lungs while holding a pretend microphone.
“I don’t know ANYTHING about bugs and snakes and trains!” I told a friend.
“Well, you’ll learn.” She said. (Such wisdom from an experienced mom with a boy!)
And even though we haven’t gotten to the stage where you are curious about all that stuff yet, I have noticed innate God-given differences between you and Maddie. It’s truly remarkable, especially when you think that God put you all together while you were still growing inside of me. God put your talents in you, your interests, your frustrations. He decided if you would have blond hair or brown. He decided if you’d be a righty or a southpaw and what color eyes you’d have. (I am still excited that you have SOMETHING that looks like me! )
Anyway, you’ve got a whole lifetime in front of you. My prayer is that you will grow to be a man of God. I don’t care about your profession, what college you go to, what car you will drive. I care about your heart. I care that you will follow the Lord with the most you can muster. I pray that every morning will start with a prayer to the Lord and end with a prayer at night. I pray that Jesus is your best friend. I pray that when others are quoting movies, you are quoting the Bible. I pray that when you come to the age of wanting to date, that you will hold off and seek the Lord for the mate He has provided. (Trust me, you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache if you do His way.) I pray that you and Maddie will grow up close. That any day can come that you guys can call each other and be there for one another. I pray you’ll hold each other accountable in the Word. I love you, Bean.
Happy 1st Birthday, big man.
Love, Mom